Every time the mailman comes to my house, my little brother calls him old and asks him not to die.
you know how when you go to a concert or show of some sort and the person on stage is like “HOW’S EVERYONE DOING TONIGHT?!?!?!?!” and the audience cheers back? why? you’re not answering the question, you’re just yelling. imagine if we did that in daily conversation. “hey jeff, how are ya?” and jeff just starts screaming and clapping in your face
jfc there was some kids across the lake looking at my house so I decided (because my hair was stringy and wet and my shirt was white) to stare out the window all creepy like and all of a sudden a fuCKING IMPALA DRIVES DOWN THE ROAD BEHIND THEM I THINK I STARTED THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF A SUPERNATURAL EPISODE
*gets down on one knee* will you please give me the wifi password?
bert and annie on a date to the movies and he can’t decide where to sit because he’s 6’4 and annie’s 5’0 and he should sit in the back so he doesn’t block anyone but annie should sit in the front so she can see and bert just